so… for those of you not yet keen to this aspect of my life, I moved in on Feb 28 2009 to my dad’s house. my dad’s office to be precise. Jess got the room cause she’s kind of a guest. family, but she gets the room.
and, we weren’t going to stay for a long time, maybe a month or so, to garner up some savings and get a down payment for an apartment and the like.
then, my dad got a job offer and decided to move away to kingman az, which is close to las vegas, so I will see in the flesh sometime soon, when I go to visit my papa bear.
sidenote: I have called my dad "papa bear" since I was in high school, or at least college. he’s a good papa bear. I don’t call my mom "momma bear," but sometimes I call myself the baby bear. cause I like to pretend that I’m an only child. end sidenote.
so… my dad got a really good job offer as a speech path – 90K per year (WOW). and he went down and interviewed, and decided he would take the job. this is a really good move for him. it’s been two years since the divorce, and as he told me last night, "anna, I haven’t said this to anybody… but this move .. it’s finalizing that I will never get back together with your mom." mom is bitter and angry, and it’s really sad, cause she’s got such a big heart. but she married a gay man – he kept this secret from her their whole marriage – and would have taken it to his grave. but she found out – via internet porn of all things – there was a suicide attempt (his) and then a divorce (theirs).
so… as the move loomed closer, dad packed, we hung out a little more, cooked and ate dinner together, and played cards. his friend robert came over sunday night and we played pinochle. (any cards players in spokane? come on over to my house!)
and yesterday the movers came (so sorry to have woken you up, mcfoo: honest. I kinda knew you had a long day but I’m really really sorry I woke you up.) with the moving!drama, and I went to work, had a meeting with my boss (more on that later, perhaps) and goofed around, and went home.
I was really sad all day – just WOW. here it is! the day has arrived. and I was kinda holding my own until my friend frankie called and said she was over at a friend’s house, and she found the issue of the sun, the magazine which published my brother’s expose about what happened, and… I kinda lost it. "why today, of all days?"
frankie is a good person – her timing can be off – we didn’t get a chance to talk about what was going on in my life – we just talked about the article (see the "jackass brother" tag), and then hung up.
I felt like a down puppy dog, who was being kicked. mcfoo called a little bit later, and I was kinda weepy. "I don’t advocate violence against puppies, even metaphorical puppies!" I find myself saying the most ridiculous statements when emotionally overwrought.
I skipped pool. I might skip pool for the remainder of the season. get onto a different team. nother post.
ummm…. I tried to get the tv to work (it didn’t) I watched half of two truly dreadful movies – DragonLance and Sunshine. and drank a little bit.
I don’t want to be a drunk: I really don’t. I just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t get bombed. and I didn’t drink all of the alcohol in the house. and I had about five drinks over the course of the night, I think. I woke up a little parched this morning. but not hugely hungover.
I’m just on emotional overload. dad just called and said h’s going to get on the road here in a minute. we gave each other lots of hugs this morning and the conversation kinda of ran like this, "you’re going to be fine, daddy. this is a really good move for you." dad: "you’re going to be fine too, honey. just keep telling yourself that. you’ve got a lot of good friends in twon, and they’ll help you with this. you’re gonna be just fine."
yet somehow, it’s at those kinds of moments where it feels hard to be just fine. but I think I will be.